I love this quote. “Our greatest duty to our children is to love them first. Secondly, it is to teach them. Not to frighten, force, or intimidate our children into submission, but to effectively teach them so that they have the knowledge and tools to govern themselves.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich, Smile Anyway

When I read the book, "Parenting:  A House United," written by Nicholeen Peck, I realized something that has been very important in our household.  Most of the difficulties we have in our home happen because someone did not remain calm.  At first, I couldn't believe it was true, but after watching our family for a week, and thinking about it, I realized that Nicholeen Peck was right.  

When we were calm, even when we had challenges, we just worked through them.  It was when someone got upset and was not calm that the "small p" problems became "capital p" "Problems."

Then - not only did we have the original problem, but we had the extra dynamic of having someone calm down long enough to be able to effectively decide on a solution.

​I used to face parenting situations and think, "Okay - I have to be calm -- but I CAN'T EVEN THINK RIGHT NOW!"  I would do my best to grit my teeth and not say anything I'd regret later -- but even if I could keep my body calm, my heart was not.  When I learned the TSG approach, I realized that there were actual steps I could take to help myself be calm, and that when I followed them, I could become calm in just a minute or two.  I could also teach those steps to my children -- and they learned how to be calm too!  Talk about empowering!

There is a wonderful DVD called "The Power of Calm by Nicholeen Peck  here.  Being calm can be a natural state.

If you would like to schedule individualized coaching or mentoring in the TSG method, please contact me here so that we can set up an appointment.  

So I'd try very hard to think about my decisions, and to be sure that I had reasons for them.  But that was exhausting - absolutely exhausting.  Sometimes I didn't have a good reason.  Was my child really going to listen to my reason -- which was, "Right now I am too tired to think, and I just want to be in control."  No, that wasn't going to work very well...............

And then I'd feel worried, and think I was inadequate, and not cut out to be a parent at all.

We need principles.

One of those principles is that everyone in the family plays a different role in the family dynamic.  There are parents, and parents have certain responsibilities and jobs. There are children, and they have specific pieces in this relationship too.  Both are important, but both are not the same. Therefore, the parents have the role of defining boundaries based on principles and standards that are carefully chosen and thoughtfully used.  Roles are important.

The purpose of this blog is to show how principles work in various situations.  That's why you can trust principles.  It's not advice to state a truth, a guiding statement that can help us think things through just a little differently.  The beauty of principles is that it allows you to take into account YOUR situation, YOUR experience, YOUR feelings, YOUR thoughts, YOUR viewpoint -- and then consider how principled guidelines apply.

You are the parent of your child.  You are the one entitled to make decisions, and to choose direction.  You are the one to stand up, be strong, and be courageous.  You are the one to be confident.  You can be, if you are guided by principle.

Principles are what we lean on when we are not certain, but have that "gut feeling."  Principles are what we lean on when we know that we can see long-term, and our children cannot.  Principles are what we use when "all the other parents" are doing it the "other way."  Principles are what we use when we have absolutely no idea what the best course of action is.  We just proceed, with principle, and we'll figure it out eventually.

Principles work.  They build confidence.  They are true.  I invite you to learn about parenting -- but not learn about "how to parent" -- learn "how to identify and establish principles" in your home.  A principle is not only true for me - it will be true for you too.  We can all learn principles, and apply them in our own circumstance.  What we DO may look a little different, but if we look closely, we'll see how principles keep us on the path of courageous, vital, healthy parenting and family relationships.

I invite you to take a class.  I teach classes on parenting, emotions, and communication.  They're all related subjects.  We have to communicate in order to be an effective parent, and any parent knows that emotions matter to the quality of life in our home.  Go  here for info.

I am a certified mentor for Teaching Self Government, the method designed and taught by Nicholeen Peck.  She's an absolutely brilliant woman who has four children of her own, and has done foster care for troubled teenagers  for many years.  She has been able to distill concepts that are principle-based into a system that she calls "Teaching Self Government." 

​When you think about it, we really want our children to become self-governing.  That's the goal.  Nicholeen's "TSG" method is absolutely phenomenal in its ability to distill parenting into simple principles that really do work to create harmony in the home.  I have used TSG in our home for so many years, and love helping families find the peace that these principles bring.  It has made all the difference.

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