I get so tired of all these posts with headlines like this:
What’s Holding You Back?
……………..Every time I receive an email with this title, or find something online saying that, I find this tiny piece inside me that is kind of “groaning.” Something begins to bother me.
I didn’t know exactly what bothered me about those headlines, though, until I decided to sit down and figure it out.
Step One: What am I feeling?
I am feeling a little -- sad (?) Why would I feel sad, of all things?
Step Two: So -- what am I thinking?
I had to really think about that (no pun intended, but it’s what happens). I wasn’t sure what I thought about that. But, the quieter I got inside, and the more I tuned in to that feeling of “sad,” the more I knew that “sad” was really important. There was a feeling there that I needed to express.
The Process of Understanding Begins
Finally it dawned on me. I feel “sad”, because what I think is this:
“Oh no, does this mean that I’m going to have to change?”
“Am I doing something wrong right now?”
“Am I not good enough -- again?”
And then, though it happens unconsciously, I go to this part of me that seems to have a great need to analyze how many times I have been “not good enough.” I’m mentally going through that list, and groaning, thinking:
“But I’ve been doing the best I can -- which isn’t good enough -- so how am I going to do any better?”
Can you see that circular pattern, and recognize that there is absolutely no way that can be productive?
Also notice -- when that happens, I’m arguing with myself. That little voice in my head is going into the “should” statements.
“You should be doing more.” “You should not be where you are - apparently you SHOULD be somewhere else.”
I have learned that anytime I find myself arguing with my own self in my head, I need to stop. Beating myself up is something that I may be good at, but the result is chaos, fear, shame, and harmful.
Sadness is the result for me.
So now - I’ve identified my feeling, and my thought, and I’m ready to go to the next step. I know that emotions lead to action, and I know that I don’t want to act with the feeling of “not good enough” being my energy. I need to re-solve this emotion, for sure.
Are my current feeling and thought producing peace?
Because they are somehow, not in harmony with what I believe about myself, or what I want to believe about myself. They’re not in congruence with who I really am inside.
Inside, I know that I have been doing my best. I’m actually pretty okay with where I am, if I boil it down clearly. I know I’m not perfect, but I also know that life is about growth. I’m pretty sure that I’m growing at a pace that is right for me right now. I don’t want to be consumed with the idea that I’m not fully “grown” yet and perfect in everything. I want to be okay in the process of growth.
Do I need to make a new decision?
Yes. I am going to decide that when I come across an idea that says any variation of:
“Be your best self by changing………….”
“2 steps to a better YOU”
“Live your dreams” (as if I’m not trying to do that already),
I am going to say to myself,
“Thank you. I am content and happy with what I am doing right now. Yes, I am growing and learning, and yes, life will change as I do that, but I am on the path. I don’t need a new path. I am happy to progress at my own speed I am confident and happy with me.”
Or I might say,
“I want to look at these ideas here, and maybe I will choose to plan them into my life path. I’m grateful that I can always choose that path, and that I can go at my own speed. I’m CONFIDENT in myself, and in my own ability to progress at a rate that is perfect for me. It’s a peaceful path, and I feel peaceful while I’m on it.”
Yes, I may look at the ideas in this piece of information before me. But, I won’t look at the ideas and think inside myself,
“Oh -- I guess I need to be ashamed of what I am doing. It’s not enough, and apparently never has been enough.”
No. First, I need to be at peace with ME. I need to feel that peace right with me, where I am right now. Then I can choose ideas that fit with the path of peace that I have chosen.
No longer will I buy into the idea that I’m not enough. I am.